Dr. James A., PhD
Dear Mr. Putin,
Rumor has it you hacked the election (not ‘actual’ hacking but Russian papers talked negatively about Hillary and influenced public opinion. So thank you for being the only news outlet on earth that gave a political candidate negative coverage in America. Yes, every major mainstream news outlet in the world criticized Trump, but that’s different-somehow). We know you can’t actually prove this to really take credit for it (neither can we), but the mainstream media repeats it everyday ad nauseum, so it must be true.
Thank you for protecting our religious rights. We know that even though most of your country is atheist, and you recently banned Christianity, you were at least concerned enough to make sure that America had the freedom to continue to send our missionaries to Russia. As you know, Democrats and the ACLU are atheists and want to keep God and Christianity out of our schools and public life, much like in Russia. But, ever since you helped elect a conservative, it will be at least 4 more years until Democrats can finish the job on religious freedom that Communists started.
Thank you for helping the United States get rid of the fuel for our nuclear weapons by buying 20% of our Uranium from/through the Clinton Foundation. That will give our EPA one less thing to complain about, and could prevent John McCain from selling it to Syria.
Thank you for paying Bill Clinton over $500,000 for speeches he made in Russia. This sets a precedent for all future Toast Master speakers that public speaking actually does pay.
Thank you for putting in a president that wants to get rid of socialized health care. Yes, we know, Obamacare was much, much closer to the kind of government entitlements we see in Socialist/Communist countries, but we know you wanted to see America prosper even if our ideas on government programs are not as centralized as they are in yours.
Thank you for helping us build our depleted military back up. We know that you have been improving your military technology and would probably like to savor your ‘victory’ over Crimea and Ukraine, but should the US ever oppose such Russian actions in the future against other sovereign nations, we at least want to thank you for giving us a fighting chance by electing a president that wants to make our military great again and be a formidable might against Russia if the need ever arises.
Thank you for showing the world that being a psychic actually works. How else could you have known that those “hacked” mails would actually get Trump elected instead of one of the other 17 Republican candidates? Also, amazing that you even knew ahead of time that there was information in emails among Democrats to think of looking there in the first place. BRILLIANT!
I am a little perturbed that you made the average citizen find all the information through crowd sourcing. I believe it would have been much easier to just give us the most incriminating emails instead of batches that we all had to sift through. I mean, if you wanted to guarantee that Trump would be president, I think it was a little risky to give all that info in bulk to Wikileaks. Fortunately, we all found the information we needed just in time to get Trump elected.
Most of all, I want to thank you for electing a president that has nothing in common with you, even though having a conservative president is far less favorable to Russia than a Democrat being in office, and is likely the most counter-productive interference in an election in world history, especially from the land of the world’s greatest chess players.
Anti Communist, Anti Socialist, American Patriots for Trump,
Dr James A., PhD